Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A memorable moment

You both were at school today when our new president, Barack Obama, took the oath to be the 44th president of the United States of America. As I stood alone in the living room and listened to his amazing speech of hope and change, I thought, "This is a moment I will remember."
It is a very special and long day coming for many people, especially African Americans. Barack Obama is the first African American president in the history of our country. One day this will mean a lot to you. One day, you will be sitting in History class reading about this very day. It is neat for me to think about.
For me, it is another new beginning and you know how I feel about those. We don't know what is coming for out nation. We are in bleek economic times, yet our country is still so blessed. I look forward to seeing what changes happen in our country. It is a time for us to ask a lot of questions. How do we spend our money? How do we spend our time? Whose life are we seeking to make better today? To change a country, it starts with one person and is a ripple effect. I pray the ripple effect is a good one and is one you, girls, will be able to be apart of as you grow. I pray we can be more united, be more compassionate, be more giving and more loving towards all people and towards this world God has given us to live on.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I'm getting married

Something happened last week that I HAVE to write down so we ALL won't forget.
Last Thursday, Daddy picked you up from school, Caitlyn. When you got in the car the very first thing you said, with complete seriousness, was, "Daddy, Ryan and I fell in love today." Daddy had a smile on his face, but when he realized how serious you were, he TRIED to keep a straight face. You proceeded on, "I feel really sad, though, because he will have to break up with Callie and she is my friend." Daddy just listened. "We are going to get married, so I was thinking about letting Callie be the flower girl in the wedding. We are going to meet about it on the playground tommorrow."
When you got home, you told me about it as well when I was getting supper ready. We talked about your decision and I reminded you that girlfriends usually are in your life for a very long time and that I would be very careful with your decision. (Inside I am laughing, but quite heavy, for I thought we wouldn't be having a discussion like this for a few more years!!!)
The next day, when I picked you up from school I asked how your meeting went. You said, "Well, not good at first. Callie was really upset at both of us, but later, in the coatroom she hugged me and said, "You deserve him."
Whew....glad that fued didn't last too long. I am interested to see how today went and if you are still thinking about marriage or if more important things are on your, what snack I brought you to eat!!!

Friday, January 9, 2009

A new start

I love new beginnings. They bring hope and excitement, a chance to try something new, an opportunity to do better, and usually with a new beginning comes a new energy and a new vision. I have a chance to look at 2009 in this way. I will admit, already, only nine days in, it has been a challenge at times! But.... I am determined. I am determined to see this new year as a fresh start. To what, you might wonder? Do I have specific things in mind? I do. I won't list them all. However, there is a thread in each one. Giving up my control.
Years ago, I would not have considered myself a control freak. I thought I was a pretty "go with the flow" kind of person. Oh, but years bring wisdom and experience and with both of those, I have realized I am!!! I wrestle daily with wanting things done my way and on my chosen time table. I expect WAY too much of myself and others. I think I know for certain what is best for me and my family, but in reality, I have NO CLUE!!! 2009, I want that to be my theme. Giving up control. Sure, it may only mean taking small strides forward and it may mean NO ONE will notice, but me, but I want to try. And I mean really try. Hopefully, I will be able to share what that looks like over the year to you, girls. I want to. I want you to see the ups and downs that come with trying to live a life like that. Some days will be harder than others, but I believe that with surrender comes peace... I just haven't been living like I do.
Am I scared? I am. Giving up my control in all areas is like jumping off a cliff...a cliff that has an unknown landing. Will it be a hard one? A soft one? How far will the fall be? But, even though I am scared, I am more tired of feeling the weight of trying to hold it all together and have all the answers. That gets so old and has led to such tension inside of me. I know you can sense it. You know me so well. You may not yet understand why, but you sense it all the same. I want you to have memories of a mommy that is happy, fun, and laughs!! I think that just naturally comes in a life of one who has let go of the "need to know what is coming".
I look forward to you being older and us really talking through some of this. I know you will be where I am.... I don't know when... but I know it will face you. It does for us all. I am sure I will be forced to ask the question time and time again, "Who REALLY is in the driver's seat?" I hope more often than not, I can HONESTLY say, "YOU, Oh, Lord. YOU!"